Personal Growth.




In addition to documenting Oliver's growth - I also feel like it's crucial to document my own. 
 My oh my have the last 2 and a half months pushed me to grow in ways I never thought imaginable. 


My whole life I have been obsessed with the "to do lists".
 From sketching out my future goals, to detailing what I needed to get done the next day, it was always a pretty big part of my life. 
It gave me control and a sense of accomplishment. 
But after having Oliver, things are different. 
I don't have complete control over my days.
 Sure, I can try to have a routine or a schedule. 
But I can't expect the meltdowns, the growth spurts, the blowouts or the sleepless nights. 
 The first month of Oliver's life I truly just relished it all. 
I did not make a single to do list.
 I spent a lot of time with my sweet husband and my baby boy. 
It was wonderful. I can't say it enough.
 It was a magical time in our home and in my life.


But eventually I felt like I had to come to grips with the fact that life outside the four walls of my home did exist. 
The day-to-day tasks seem harder than ever to accomplish not to mention the little "extras" that I love to do.
And don't even talk about working out. 
 When Oliver was 10 weeks old I brought back the to do list. 
It needed to happen before I lost my mind. 
But then frustration came. 
I simply wasn't crossing things off. 
I'd compare myself to other girls and feel oh so behind. 
Thank you notes still needed to be written, pictures hung, laundry done, and on and on and on.


As I sit here this afternoon, still in my pajamas and covered in spit up,
the thought crossed my mind, "man I haven't accomplished anything today!"
Immediately I felt terrible even thinking it. 
{Although I am sure the thought will cross my mind many-a-time} 
I am accomplishing the most important thing in the world every.single.day. 
Why is it that silly things like "organize the pantry" make it on my to do list - but being a good mom isn't?
What about - sit on the floor and coo back as many times as he will allow?
 Change diapers.
 Feed. Bounce. Sing. Read.
These things are far more important than cleaning my toilets or going to the gym.
 It all seems so clear when his eyes stare right through me and he gives me the biggest gummy giggle.
 But how easily it is forgotten.


I am not supermom - and I am okay with that.
 I am learning to forgive myself for not being able to cross it all off. 
For having a mound of laundry and 3 day dirty hair.
 It's all ok. 
Because at the the top of my to-list is to be a good wife and mom.
 I simply need to slow down and remind myself that as long as our 
little family is happy and healthy I have accomplished just about everything.

10 comments:

  1. Great things to remember!!! So important. I'm very much a list person also and have figured out that not getting something crossed off was fine because it will still be there tomorrow or next week. :)

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  2. this is so beautiful! really puts things into perspective! loved it!

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  3. Couldn't have said it better. As a mom of four under 6 I'm still trying to come to terms with not being able to cross things off my "lists" . I am finding that I might have to eventually organize my pantry so I can actually feed those four littles though...haha! It's the day to day small moments things like you said that are important to do first though so that the other things will fall into place later. Thanks for sharing this!

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  4. Balance all comes with time xx

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  5. I remember after having my little one I attempted to clean my bathrooms (we have 2) because they were on my "to do list". It took me ALL day just to clean ONE bathroom. It took me from when I woke up to when it was time to go to sleep to get it done. I remember standing in the bathroom that night just thinking (probably crying! haha) "oh my . . . my life has sure changed! I used to be able to clean both bathrooms, vacuum, sweep and mop all in 2 hours tops!" But I remembered looking back on the day and thinking of the things I did accomplish . . . feed, burp, change and play with my new little one and I was able to enjoy every second of it! Enjoy the special time you have with your little one right now because it changes so quickly! Every month the time management and routine gets a little easier, I can promise you! Thanks for your blog and cute ideas I use them every time I teach YW's!

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  6. thank you so much for this post. I have been following your blog for a little while now, (LOVE your primary ideas/lessons) I also have a new little one. He is 5 weeks old and very colicy. I just got him to sleep with my moby wrap (he always needs to be held) as I was thinking to myself how much I have to do today.. and how it is 1 pm and not one thing has happened. I started to really feel terrible about myself and those horrible thoughts about being a bad wife/mother started creeping in. I truly believe the adversary puts those thoughts in our minds. as I read your post it brought tears. lots. Thank you so much for this beautiful perspective. Heavenly Father has an amazing way of showing His love. today it was through your post. Thank you again :)
    Karli

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  7. Enjoy Oliver, the other things will still be there to be done when he is all grown up and gone. These times are special, and go soooooo fast. You are a great wife and mother and yes, that is what is most important. I remember comparing myself to others too and that is just to discourage us.
    You are doing great!

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  8. Keep these on your shelf, for when your to do list has taken over mothering-
    Read "Song for a Fifth Child" a beautiful poem on motherhood and the fleeting nature of childhood
    And lists to "Daughters of God" from the April 2008 General Conference
    Never fails to refocus my attention to what truly matters.

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